Striving to be
by Inufox
Summary: Songfic to perfect by simple plan. No matter how he tried Sesshomaru could never be perfect in his father's eyes.


Sesshomaru glided along the forest floor silently. He had no destination in mind but was pulling westward, toward his father's memorial place. Arriving at the clearing, Sesshomaru approached the headstone.

_Hey dad, _

_Look at me _

"Hello father, "he greeted after checking that no one would hear him. Sesshomaru wondered what had made him come here; father's remains were on the borderline of the afterlife. Not in this little clearing under a stone.

_Think back and talk to me_

_Did I grow up according to plan_

_And do you think _

_I'm wasting my time_

_Doin' things I wanna do_

Sesshomaru wondered if his father would like how he chose to live his life. His father would probly like Rin, but not his castle where Rin dwelled at the moment. Sesshomaru remembered his Father's last words to him… _"Do you have someone to protect?"_

"_I, Sesshomaru have no need of such." _Had been his truthful answer, but he didn't know if it was so true now… After his father's death Sesshomaru had spent his time expanding his territory and concurring other lands. He knew that his father would not approve of _**that**_, and the thought of his disapproval kinda hurt.

_But it hurts when_

_You disapprove all along_

Sesshomaru had saved Rin from death, the thought crossed his mind of how his father would be turning is his grave. The heartless, cold, **human-hating **demon lord rescuing a little human girl and letting her follow him. Taking care of her, saving her, feeding her, Sesshomaru sighed. Yes his father most certainly turned in his grave.

_And now I try hard to make it_

_I just want to make you,_

_Proud…_

When Sesshomaru was a pup he had tried many times to please his father. Catching his first real prey when he was only three years of age, getting better marks than his other schoolmates, and excelling in swordsmanship plus politics had only been a few of the thing he had done to get just a little "_Great job Sesshomaru!!!"_ from the Inu-no-Taishu. Nothing had worked, the best he got was a curt nod in his direction, and after 15 years Sesshomaru realized this and started becoming the cold, cruel demon he was today.

_I'm never gonna be good enough for,_

_You, can't pretend that I'm alright_

_And you can't change me_

When Sesshomaru's father had found the human wench he started trying to make Sesshomaru love humans just like he did, but everything he did backfired. Like when he had taken Sesshomaru to meet her. The women happy and care-free attitudes made Sesshomaru want to take her out and show her the pain and suffering in the world, to cure her ignorance. But of course his father wouldn't allow it.

_Cause we lost it all_

_Nothin lasts forever_

_I'm sorry I can't be_

_Perfect…_

Demons and human's had referred to Sesshomaru as perfection, but he knew, even as a pup that nothing he did could be perfect in his father's eyes. His father saw Sesshomaru's good marks and extra work as ambitious; he thought that Sesshomaru did it for his own gain. Sesshomaru knew he would never truly forgive his father for not trying to see past his assumptions, to the smiling child striving for his father's love.

_Now it's just too late _

_And we can't go back_

Even if his father was still alive the child had been twisted and turned into a killer. No longer was he striving for love, but for power.

_I'm sorry I can't be,_

_Perfect…_

Sesshomaru looked on the outside like nothing and no one could faze him. Even when Inuyasha had chopped of his arm his mask had never wavered. No one knew the pain he hid behind the mask. When he was small he used to find a solitary place and let the pain out through tears collapsing in on himself, a little pup all alone. He remembered how he used to look up to his father until he grew up and his Inu-Taishu fell for a human…

_I try not to think _

_About the pain I feel inside_

_Did you know you used to be,_

_my hero?_

When Sesshomaru's mother was still, around his dad used to play games with him, like catch or hide-n'-seek. Or he would take Sesshomaru out and give him hunting tips, but that all changes when his mom left.

_All the days you spend with me_

_Now seem so far away_

_And it feels like _

_You don't care anymore_

After she left his father changed drastically, gone were those times where they would play games in the garden. Gone were the hunting trips in the forest. Sesshomaru had struggled and tried to make his father happy again, but nothing worked. If anything he grew more depressed, until the human came.

_And now I try hard to make it_

_I just wanna make you,_

_Proud…_

Nothing Sesshomaru did was good enough, but the woman made father happy by just talking to him and being around him.

_I'm never gonna be good enough for, you_

_I can't stand another fight _

_And nothing's alright…_

Before Sesshomaru left the palace for good to start his own journey, he and his father had started to fight all the time. Sesshomaru said the Inu-Taishu should dump the human before she betrayed him or soothing worse, Inu-Taishu argued that **Izayoi, **would never do something like that. It was after one of the fights that Sesshomaru left.

_Cuz' we lost it all_

_Nothin' lasts forever _

_I'm sorry I can't be,_

_Perfect…_

And now his father was dead, slain fighting for a human and her half demon spawn. His **half** brother, the one who cut off Sesshomaru's arm and fought recklessly every chance he got.

_Now it's just too late_

_And we can't go back_

_I'm sorry I can't be,_

_Perfect…_

In one of their fights His father had called Sesshomaru names and said that he would never understand love, he said he was worthless because he had no compassion. Sesshomaru knew now that his father was just saying those things but he hadn't then.

_Nothing's gonna change the _

_Things that you said_

_And nothings gonna make this _

_Right again…_

Sesshomaru had yelled hurtful thing right back and added the pain he felt into the words. By the end they were both at each other's throats, about to start clawing. When they came back to themselves and both stormed away. After that It was worse, instead of fighting with him, Sesshomaru's father had pretended that he didn't exist, ignoring Sesshomaru whenever he walked into the room or spoke.

_Please don't turn your back, I_

_Can't believe it's hard _

_Just to talk to you_

_But you don't understand_

_Cuz we lost it all_

_Nothin' lasts forever _

_I'm sorry I can't be,_

_Perfect…_

Shaking himself of the memories Sesshomaru stood from where he crouched in front of the memorial stone.

_Now it's just too late_

_And we can't go back_

_I'm sorry I can't be,_

_Perfect…_

He turned and made his way away from his father's rock. Sesshomaru wished he could go back and make the past different… Maybe his father might have found time for him if Sesshomaru had done something differently.

_Cuz we lost it all_

_Nothin' lasts forever _

_I'm sorry I can't be,_

_Perfect…_

He knew that it was no use living in the past so the thoughts of his father left him and he set sights on his castle in the distance, going back to his own little human… maybe not all humans were so bad.

_Now it's just too late_

_And we can't go back_

_I'm sorry I can't be,_

_Perfect…_


End file.
